Welcome:)
so close your eyes.
let's leave this town for a little while..
♥MARDY
Hi. i'm mardhiyah. or rather, mardy for short. i know i'm no good but that doesnt mean you're better. so if you come here with the intention of screwing my life up then i'm sorry to rain on your parade. i love my family and my friends to death and anyone who tries to srew them up will be screwed up.I HATE BACKSTABBERS AND HYPOCRITES. other than that, i'm a nice girl. :D
this picture is like soo damn old. it was like last year when all of us just started to hang out together. lol. look how happy hana looks. and Ht's the only one with the KAWAII NE! look. oh how fresh we look without stoopidd CDS's bugging us down. haha.yes mardy blame it all on CDS.
okay i'm gonna start publishing my writings again. in delilah but this time it wont be delilah's story. that one's meant for myself and only myself. lol.too much characters there are'nt fictional and anyone who reads it will prolly know who i'm talking about. HAHA. so this one is about DEE. thats her name and i've published the first part here. its the one in bold. so it gonna be that and the second part. so just check it out okay.
here's a little something i wrote shortly after i got my results. i have no idea how the story's gonna progress so please feel free to drop any suggestions okay? and if its crappy then seluar dalam okay?
The world passed me by in a whirl of confusing colors and sounds. At that moment everything else had ceased to have meaning except for the slip of paper in my hand. I raked my eyes over it again and again hoping that this was some kind of sick nightmare that I was going to wake up from at any moment. The inevitable truth started to sink in and my legs forgot their purpose. My knees wobbled and I immediately collapsed into the nearest chair. “This cannot be happening. I worked so hard. I worked my ass off for these. NO! I did NOT fail!” my mind screamed. “The results must be wrong. Something must have gone wrong that’s why they got the wrong values” The truth was being a bitch. It hit me solid hard in the face and sent me reeling all over the fact. It curled into the pit of my stomach and twisted knots with my intestines. It gave birth to the many butterflies that were fluttering like crazy in my tummy. Seriously, the truth was a bitch. I closed my eyes for a brief second with the intention of escaping reality for a few seconds when I forced them back open again in response to my father’s tap on the shoulder. “How?” was all he asked. I wordlessly handed him the slip of paper praying he did not have a cardiac arrest and pass out in the school hall. He took in my pale face and terrified expression as a sign of what he was going to see. His eyes roved over the printings that were stubbornly there, his face expressionless. It seemed like eternity was over until he finally looked up to face me. “Well, it’s not bad. You did good for all your other modules except math. Never mind, let’s just focus on the re-test okay? ” the words came out strange, strangled even, like he was forcing them out and biting his tongue to say more. Our eyes met and I probed his dark black eyes searching for some clue to what he was really feeling inside. I saw disappointment reflected in them but also a glimmer of hope. Try as he might to keep the disappointment out of my reach, he could not do so. His reaction killed me. I wanted to break down and cry. I wanted to drop to my knees and beg him for forgiveness. I wanted to do anything that could take the hurt out of his eyes. I wanted to say a flow of words to tell him that I did not do it intentionally but I held my tongue. A tearful sob threatened to burst through my trembling lips and I mashed them into a hard straight line. I wanted to say something. I wanted to respond. But I knew that if I betray even the slightest bit of emotion, all my restraint would break loose and I would start bawling my eyes out right where I was standing. All along my heart was pounding a furious mantra of broken incoherent sentences mostly revolving around “I am so sorry Daddy. So so sorry for being so stupid.”
Biting her lip, she winced slightly as she remembered that scene that had occurred a few years back. “Never, I will never ever repeat that again. I will never make that expression cloud his clear, kind eyes anymore.” Yawning slightly, I reached for my phone to check the time. I was already so exhausted from the day’s activities and my eyelids felt like they weighed a ton. I had to stay up, it was half an hour more to Hanna’s birthday and I was determined to be the first one who wished her, as her birthday celebration itself would have to be belated. That was the least I could do. Waiting around for twelve am was no joke, especially if the day had had no room for an afternoon nap. I closed my eyes briefly keeping my posture straight up to prevent me from sinking into the blissful folds of deep sleep and colorful dreams. It felt so good, to let my eyelids win for once. I exhaled in a gust of carbon dioxide and let my mind wander while keeping a part of it conscious. If anyone could take a peek in my mind they would immediately see what my priorities were. It was as if my mind was this super computer with every file on every single detail and aspect of my life. It was usually organized in a high priority to low priority order. My parents were usually the first of the worldly issues of my life. They came right after religion. Keeping them happy had been my mission ever since I could understand the significance of mother’s and father’s days. I used to make such a big fuss out of it. Determined to get them a gift every year was a personal goal of mine. This was all worth it as they would love anything I had gotten them; my parents were the definition of positivity and encouragement. No matter how lame ass the gift would be, they would never fail to love the gift and appreciate my efforts. I still do get them stuff but I don’t really put much thought about what the gift would be. As I matured over the years, I realized that they were not the types who gushed over materialistic gifts and thoughts. They wanted more from their children. They wanted success for each and every one of us and they constantly prayed for that. It was then when I realized how much pressure I was in to excel. I had often worked hard and studied hard for my own sake. For the sake of knowledge and exams, but my parents taught me that achieving brilliant results were something every parent wanted for their child. That simple fact changed my whole perspective of life. If I had once been the girl who lived her life for herself, well then I have changed. My parents’ happiness and pride were what I craved for. Not that I did not have any materialistic cravings of my own but to make my parents proud of me has always been my number one goal. Lady Gaga’s poker face ringtone shook me out of my thoughts. It was a text reminding me that twelve am was just five minutes away. Shrugging off my thoughts, I started to craft a birthday message for Hanna.
@ 9:31 AM
"i like your name, it sounds like a friend of mine's"
" oh.thanks."
"his name is majid."
WTH.how is MARDY like MAJID???? bloody hell.this guy anyhow only.
okay so class chalet was on monday. we missed Ht as her grandfather passed away on that day :(
okay so we were like okay we aint gonna sleep and ky was practically ordering us not to sleep cause of agnes telling her about Ah Piao i dont know how to spell.lol. we were practically anti social conquering the whole room to ourselves and not going out until it was time to eat.
whatever it is, it would have been better with Huiteng there okay.
before that we decided to surprise hana and she closed her house door in our faces.
happy 18th hana! okay its supposed to be yesterday but i had no mood to blog. so here it is now. :)
may you be surrrounded by love and blessings always okay? somebody legal already ahhh. next up is Ht. alamakk. pocket runs dry lah Ht.
okay so i'm done with madrasah exams (evrybody throw up your hands and go woo!) and the best part is although i was anticipating usul fiqh to be hard it wasn't! okay so i'm SOO looking forward to tomorrow. its the class chalet.*grins from ear to ear* but father hasnt given me the green light about overnighting. i am soooo praying he will. tomorrow is also the day where i officially burn my math notes after 11:30am. wish me luck people! i'm feeling pretty confident! :)
okay on another more serious note:
i got this off chacha's blog and like seriously, some people are really f*cked up about islam.i mean it got me thinking, what if there are these kind of people in singapore? i dont doubt it but i just have never come across ppl like them. so if any of you readers, (the girls included) happens to have like burning questions about islam, just ask okay? i will try to answer them the best i can as it is the very least i could do for my religion. its better to ask straight out in the open, than to not know and harbour sick and evil thoughts and perspectives about islam.okay? i mean i'm not saying i'm really darn religious and stuff but religion is a VERY important aspect in my life. i was born a muslim and raised a muslim. and i try my hardest to remain a practising muslim. it aint easy, believe me, to be the subject of discrimination but i'm lucky i was born here than anywhere else where racism is the shit that makes the world go round.
OMG. shes out? shes out?? she can sing damn well and shes out?? and the judges didnt even save her LAH.idiotic judges. but on the other hand, anoop is in. omg. anoopppp!!! i'm practically gushing everytime he smiles and shows his white straight teeth! omg omg. hes damn cute.and tall.*melts* and his vocals, i swear i was like *haaa..angel music*
okay enough. i got madrasah exams on sunday lah seh. pfft or what. then i have maths supp paper on monday and then its hip hip hoorayy!!! i cant wait for maths to be done with. then i can finally stop being bugged about studying.
okay so here's the thing. the father has been uh, kinda nonsensical lately.seriously. one minute he's serious and asking me to study and stuff and the next he suddenly starts to song this out of key song and talking nonsense which only my mum understands.=.='
on wednesday, we were watching A.I when he reached home at like ten and here's the convo:
*gets sms*
him(to mum): help me see who that is and reply "F you" .
*mum goes and check*
mum: he says thankyou. still wanna say F you?
him: oh. alamakk.nvm mind send only.later if he ask say you type wrongly and you actually wanted to say "W you".
"focus on your paper first ehh.later if don't pass everyone else go chalet happy happy you..."
wow. just wow. as if i havent been busting my ass studying. did he HAVE to say that?? he has absolutely no f*cking idea how demoralising that sounds. i feel so disheartened. i mean if it were anyone else,i'd brush it off. but from him? like arrrrrrgggggghhhh lah okay.
can't you trust me enough to be able to pass this paper? i'm not that stupid you know.
Your view on yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you. The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. The seriousness of your love: Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. Your views on education Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous. What are you most afraid of: You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
ugh. supp paper timetable still not out lah.okay okay must go check again laterr.
oh ohh so many things happened over the weekends.
saturday (140309): went to SCDF's (aka dad's workplace) family day. i swear it was the lamest lamest family day ever. even my family's family day is waaayyyy better. NS men were scattered everyfreakingwhere. and to make matters worse most of them were malays. can you imagine the horror?? and as if things could not have been more miserable for me, one of the guys was my ex-schoolmate lah hello and he is damn freaking cute. i swear he could see me blush when he looked at me.eeeehh.very the malu okay. oh but his smile...dimples..biceps.okay dee stop it.
sunday (150309): went to uncle's chalet. its been ages since i met the maternal side. i have a new niece :) Nurul Natasya. shes daamn cute lah with her stoned expression and her constant 'sleeping everytime anyone carries her. hee. anyways, since it was pakbusu's birthday it was only natural for the water bombs to come out and this time round someone just had to add coffee powder into the whole scene. LOL. he was already suspicious that something was up when we wanted to cut the cake because of last year's cake smothering incident. he finally plucked up the stinking courage to cut the cake when POM!!!! water bombs came from everywhere and coffee powder rained all over him. god. and i was standing right beside him okay? all of us smelled like coffee plus sweat plus barbecue smoke afterwards.
them aunties were being random yesterday. cik ana (aunty) was barbecueing stuff when she suddenly said"ehh puk*mak." god. that was hilarious.
okay. so guess where i'm at. school.yes.freaking school.gahh. its annoying to have to come just find out the lecture timings which are not even up yet! the freaking date for the exam isnt even is OUT! bloody hell. i should go ask the lecturer for the lecture times but he is no where to be found. school is bloody empty lahh. i'm sitting at the library with like only um ten other people? and one of them is this chem eng girl who looked at me as though asking you here for supp ah?
and to make matters worse, the supps are supposed to start to-freaking-day! okay now everybody say ohmygawd mardy then what are you doing still online?? ishhhhh.
darn. i've been obsessing over this agin and again. i have no feaking idea why my failing maths affects me so much. i've been feeling down at least once every day because of maths. ugh. i'm sick and tired of crying lah. half of me is like wanting to do maths all day long until my brain ooze out liquid from my ears just so i can pass but the other half is like omg i cant even stand to be studying while everybody else is on holiday. okay okay i know i'm over reacting. but there is a really darn good reason why.
i've never, i repeat,NEVER ever in my whole school life up till now failed a subject at year end exams. and now when i finally do its like i feel so damn demoralised because i keep thinking that i'm so bloody stoopidd that i actually have to take longer than everybody else to pass.hmph. okay i know i'm paranoid but i cant help it. it doesnt help that my parents are putting up a facade of indifference to my failing math but instead always asking me to focus on the supp. they are like nevermind you failed, just focus on the supp paper.FOCUS. wth. anybody can see that even though it appears that they've let me off the hook for that they still kind off wont let me off until i pass my supp. they never fail to leave the house witth" dont forget to study!" like omg lah. i know!!!!!
i mean i know its for the best and everything but please, dont you think i feel miserable enough to know that i have to study????
okay okay.i'm supposed to tell you guys about the lesbian thing but i'll save it for the next post because this post is kinda long.lol.sorry!
i just remembered something i used to be lesbian(random).teehee.more of that soon. stay tuned!
-mardy-
Wednesday, March 11, 2009 @ 4:24 PM
i wish someone would wake me up and tell me its all a dream. i worked so bloody hard for maths and i got f*cking F. i dont care. i am going to ace the supp paper and shove it right under the lecturer's face even though i know no matter what grade i get i'll still get a D. just wait. i'll be the maths genius.
on a brighter note i passed all the others! i'm so happy i got a B for my BNF. and also i got no D's! i think with the exception of maths i actually improved.
supp paper.
HERE I COME.
i was so scared my parents were gonna freak but they surprisingly didnt.phew. they were its okay focus on the retest. thank God. i can appeal for a re-mark but i dunno if its worth it.hmph. might as well take supp.GOD.i feel so bloody stupid.ugh.
scene one: the family just came home from the park all sweaty and rushing for the bathroom. three people are in the bathroom and the rest are chillaxing in their rooms with the eldest boy singing the most kental song at the top of his lungs: burnin' up. pizza delievery guy comes and sees no one in the living room but hears a stupid idiot singing burnin up. pizza man sighs and finally screams "salamalaikummmmm!!!!" at the door and the singing idiot finally shuts up in embrassment while his sister laughs her asss off.
scene two: boy,sister and mother sits on the pavement. boy ties his shoelaces and says to the rest" i'll see you in three minutes." and proceeds to run 550 m around the park. arriving 4mins40 seconds later. action lagi kan.
scene three: the four men in the family just cannot stop reminscing the whole bloody day and all their sentences start with " eh do you remember that day...." or " last time right.." WTH.
scene four: this afro guy is always at the park whenever we go there and today was the first time mother and i saw him like up close as he ran to kick the ball (get the dirty thoughts out) which had rolled in front of me. mother just had to say he was handsome and smile conspirationally.my response was "hell no. i am not going near afros." =.='
scene five: this really realy handsome two year old got me gushing like he was some really hot guy. i swear. he even surpassed the cute level and headed straight to handsome.heartbreaker alert.
scene six: mother has practically given me the green light to get into a relationship by saying "i wont mind!" when i asked what she would think if i got a bf. i think she sees that the possibilty of me heading to spinster ville is very real.HAH. mother, i'm not even 18!
oh now i'm in love with rihanna's hating on the club thanks to MAISARAH BTE ABDURRAHMAN who is having old timers coming back to her for Godknowswhat reason. so okay baby, stop saying nabei and tell them to move with their lifes okay? HAHA.aku gile. okay actually tak penting ah capital letters but whatever okay its MY blog.
ohhhhh...why'd you take my love...
i have no idea what to post about so yeah thats it okay. byebye.
okay people listen to this, i put my cup on the table which is on the right side of the fridge and nothing on the counter top which is on the left side. so i take out a bottle of water and turn around intending to pour water into my cup but i ended up on the wrong side and nearly sloshing half the bottle down the empty table counter.
what the hell is happening to me??
okay here's a list:
i'm becoming a couch potato
i've been watching dramas like 24/7
i've been working out till i feel like puking
i need to do somemore stretching because my muscles hurt.(chey.muscles keppe)
i've been avoiding rice except for dinner
i've been a healthy eating freak (!!!)
i keep onlining as invisible so people wont think i have no life and thats why i'm always online.
okay. so thats about how uneventful my life is. another thing is that i am so darn pathetic that my DAD has to be the one asking me to go out with my friends instead of sitting at home making my butt grow.(eh,but big butts sexy what?) yes people. my dad. the one who i am always too scared to ask for permission because he will always say" let me think about it" and get back to you like the next day and keep you on tiptoes the rest of the day.yes.the same dad. but obviously you cant give him more credit as he says " you guys can go to the museum etc" and i was like =.='' do the girls even want to go to the freaking museum?? i think if we go, we'll prolly just spend like um, 5 mins in each hall and then scram to get lunch.haha!
okay so girls,cycling soon please? i need to burn fat LAH.
wow.okay so i've been blogging for like um, a year and a month? and i have 230 posts.i sure do have too much time on my hands.
okay so my head hurts. seriously. its like someone's taking it and squeezing it until my brain wants to pop out of my ears. then the same someone also takes red hot hammers and hammers it on my head.what the bleah right.
oh oh listen i did work out today! for a full 40 freaking minutes. i think i almost died. but i survived.
i soo love the weather lah.thank you God for the rain.
omg i'm tired. i just spent the whole day with Hana, Ky and Ht. we went badmintoning. it was damn bloody hot lah. we started playing at two. i know i know, who plays badminton in the middle of the day right. but whatever. i had fun even though all of us were practically fried because of the heat from the sun and freaking oil from our faces. Ky's face had tuned pink lah okay!
it was hilarious lah. me n Ht were like laughing throughout the whole time when we saw hana and Ky play.kekek.
okay so i'm so dreading 11 march. so bloody annoying.stop bugging my mind for god's sake!
please god make me pass all of my modules. i dont wanna sit for supp paper!
oh FYI, for those like Ht who keeps checking Delilah, here's an update! Delilah in the virtual world(as in my blog) is officially dead.and no its not because she died of natural causes like stephanie mayers always says when she explains her character's actions as in she says her characters are alive in her head and she only writes them down as how her characters ask her to. i am not as crazy as her so i am telling everyone straight out that i have decided to kill Delilah in my blog. okay. dont charge me for murder yet. because Delilah is still alive and healthy in my writing book. but that you guys will never get to see as long as my confidence of my writings remain as low as right now which is very low.