Welcome:)
so close your eyes.
let's leave this town for a little while..
♥MARDY
Hi. i'm mardhiyah. or rather, mardy for short. i know i'm no good but that doesnt mean you're better. so if you come here with the intention of screwing my life up then i'm sorry to rain on your parade. i love my family and my friends to death and anyone who tries to srew them up will be screwed up.I HATE BACKSTABBERS AND HYPOCRITES. other than that, i'm a nice girl. :D
may you be surrounded by love and blessings always! always the action smart among us four sibling, you are indeed smart. but its only because you got all the good genes from the whole family being the last! you got our cleverness, your dear sister's great taste in music, your brother ahmad's love for soccer, your brother umar's love for NCC(ihavenoideawhy) and ibu and ayah's hobby of always giving out compliments.
but you never fail to irritate the shit out of me as your elder brothers always do.hah!
exams are freaking overrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wooooooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooooo!
okay i'm gonna be spending my holidays eating,sleeping,watching dramas and maybe,just maybe, playing badminton.HAHA! hana? amacam? lets go play!!
okay so it was Slumdog Millionare for me, ta, firi and ky after paper. oh ohh.i love it okay! Dev Patel is darn hot lah! but he cant dance for nuts okay!heee.but whatever he is sucha a sweeheart! imagine he waited and loved one girl and only one girl all along?
i want that kinda boyfriend.=.='
okay so i have no plans except for the upcoming class chalet and oh that will be oh so damn fun lah!! lalalalalalalala..
i'm currently feeling um, weirdly, relaxed. cheh step besok takde exam jekk. okay okay, seriously my brain doesnt hurt that much when i'm doing math. because i dont have to memorise like ten bloody thick chapters like i have to with BNF.
oh shit. BNF.
FC was um no comments ah but okay ah actually. my dad asked me the routine how was your paper and i answered with the usual "okay ah.." and when i said i didnt know this question he asked me what was the question and-oh here's the convo lah!
dad: whats the question?
me: whats the missing compound bla bla bla..
dad: ohh.then what you put?
me: blablabla..but i dont think correct.
dad: issnt it copper oxide?
me: huh?? copper oxide?? thats not even EDIBLE!
dad: oh aah eh. *laughs loudly to himself thinking it's the funniest joke in the world.*
hmm.sometimes i wonder where i get my lame-ass funny jokes genes from. i got my answer just now. =.='
oh oh oh. mummy dearest(see how i'm biased i never put daddy dearest?hee.) read my story(no.not delilah) and she said it was GOOD. wooots!
omg. red jumsuit apparatus is like coming here!! i so love them lah okay.
okay so bmic paper was okay. not that easy but not that difficult. hee.although i did screw up the last question.
i had a really real dream last night. i dreamt i was pregnant. seriously. it was damn real lah i was like heavily pregnant and i waddled into the LT smiling. like i totally loved being pregnant. people were like eh mardy you pregnant ah? and i'm like yeah. duhh. and they were like whose the father and i'm like i dunno eh. i dun even care. all i cared about was that i was pregnant and i was gonna have a baby. now everybody say awwwww. then i woke up with my hand on my tummy.
ky said it was a sign that someone was gonna get pregnant. i sms-ed mummy dearest and told her she was gonna get pregnant again and she never reply. i think she scared ah.HEEHEE.
okay so we attempted to surprise ky just now since tmr's her birthday but alas, she found out. but whatever it is the cake was damn nice lah! credits to hana for buying it and bringing to school in her bag with people squashing the cake in the bus. i swear the bus was freaking packed lah. i was like standing at the freaking door. luckily nobody stinked so it was okay.
omg. i am overloaded. with carbohydrates and proteins and fats and broth agars and solid agars and differential,selective,enriched,general,specific medias. oh, not to mention the dry heat and moist heat ways of controlling bacterial growth which are autoclaving, pasteurisation, boiling and hot air sterilization and flaming and incinerating and oh got chemical ways also sadly, stupid sterilants, oxidizing agents, alcohols, phenols and it derivatives,halogens, halogenated phenols,acids and alkali, heavy metals and disinfectants.
no don't get me wrong. iam not typing all of this to sound sciencey.i actually sound like aa freaking nerd.
my brain is freaking overloaded!
yes. thats me. or my t-shirt at least. and the caption really speaks the truth at this point of time.but i really do want a nicer more dramatoc caption like umm...say, "come on and kill me baby" like that weird guy from idontknowwhatithinkbiomedicalscience coursealways wear. seriously, he has a thing for shirts with captions on them. the other time he wore a shirt which had SUCKER splashed on it.
weirdo.
oh damn. i'm supposed to be on hiatus arent i?
-mardy-
p/s: i'm starting to miss someone i really should not think of anymore. =.='
James Morrison’s broken strings played for the umpteenth time on my mp3 player. I had set it on repeat mode. The lyrics made absolute sense in relation to what I was feeling. Frankly, I did not know what else to do. I felt tired. Tired of feelings that were one sided. Tired of hoping for something that I myself knew was never going to happen. That I knew was just a figment of my deprived imagination. But I was also mystified. I had loved him for all my life. Ever since we were little kids. We had been best friends and he was always the person I confided everything in. and I was the same to him. Or so I thought. Why? Why him? What had he done that managed to steal my heart away? Was it his looks? No. I was never one who went for looks. But what? I had no answer for that. I looked at my palms. My close friend had said I was a Fire person. This meant of all of the elements, I was under the fire category. She said the lines of my palms were very defined. I smiled to myself when I thought about that. I prided myself for being someone who was outspoken and passionate about my work. Maybe that’s how Fire people are. I was always myself around him. The usual fiery me. But it was when he started to go out with other girls that I turned to… snow-I guess, around him. I had never told him how I felt. Never. I was always too shy. I could not tell him that I had never loved anyone else except him. Yes, I did have a few crushes but they were never as strong. Maybe that’s why he’s never assumed. Or even found out. Maybe, all it would take for him to turn to me and confess that he felt the same way was just to tell him how I felt. Who knows he had been keeping mum all this time? Tears welled up in my eyes and threatened to spill onto my cheeks as I thought about it. Why is it that I get very emotional when I think of him? I did not know what I would do if I did not have my friends to distract me at school. They had been my pillars of strength and the shoulders I could lean on whenever I was down. They were the ones who could make me smile through my tears. I made a decision then. I would pay more attention to my friends and minimize the time where I would think about him. I would focus more on the more important aspects of my life. His importance, I decided, would have to do at a lower level. I breathed a sigh of weariness and prayed I had the strength to do it.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009 @ 4:49 PM
oh oh today was a bonus! i saw my peterpan eyecandy and green today. hee.
omg omg. how could he not have made it?? the judges are freaking crazy lah okay? and what about cody sheldon? he is damn sweet lahh HELLLOOOOOO!!
ishh. the weather was freaking hot yesterday.like 34 freaking degrees celsius at what? 5 in afternoon!! but i went out anyways. to play badminton. hee.okay mugging is driving me insane. like seriously.
and i finally got broken strings in my phone.=DDDDD
i guess i wont be blogging much. exams are like on freaking friday.
The morning sunlight streamed into my room blinding my sleepy eyes. I pulled my comforter on top of me till it covered my face and opened my eyes. I was groggy for two seconds and then the reality of last night’s events crashed on me. With bitter reluctance I pushed myself up from my bed and got ready to face school. How could I face him today? How could I keep up this act? Last night had been hard. Pain and bitterness burned my throat but I forced myself to smile and laugh and go along with it. That was my life around him. Full of false pretenses. How could he not see the way I felt? How could he sit there, look into my eyes with an intent gaze and still ask about others? God, what did I have to do to get him to understand? I was in pain. Pain. All because of him. I keep telling myself to stay away but for some unknown reason he kept me coming back for more. I had given in last night. Pushing aside the hurt welling up inside my chest, I had given him her number. He had hugged me and gave me a cheerful “thanks!” “You’re a great friend!” so that was it. That was all I was to him. A friend. Nothing more. Nothing less. It angered me to feel this way. To me, he was everything. My sunshine, my raindrop my happy, my sad. He and only he alone revolved around my universe. I was head over heels for him but I was just a mere friend, the go to girl for other girl’s numbers. I hated myself for letting me fall. Hated my heart to have open so wide for him. I hated the very fact that I loved him. The feeling made me feel that I was a little pathetic miserable girl who was desperate for the guythatdoesn’tevennoticesher’s attention. That’s how he made me feel. It insulted the feminist in me. How long until I finally would see? That he was not the one for me. My heart and my mind had been fighting a raging battle inside of me leaving me torn between the two paths I should follow. My mind was telling me to do the right thing. To stop hurting myself because of him. The guy who doesn’t even take me seriously. What more did he have to give me? While my heart was telling me to keep on feeling what I felt no matter how it hurt. My heart believed that he would notice me eventually. And my heart still hoped for the happy ending it yearned for.So which do I follow? My heart or my mind? The right thing or the insane thing? These questions clouded my mind the whole day
My heart skipped a beat when I heard my phone ring. Hoping, expecting it would be him. “You free tonight?” was the message he had crafted, “uhuh.yep.why?” was my response. A few seconds rolled by and his answer came in “I’m feelin’ kinda lonely. Wanna hang out?” my smile could not have been wider as I replied.
The stars shone bright tonight. And my eyes were twinkling with laughter as we talked. He had taken me out to dinner. I was still finding it hard to believe my luck. Finally, would what I had been dreaming of come true? After all these years I’ve suffered in silence? Would he finally understand the pain that haunted my eyes whenever I saw him with another? Did he finally notice me after exhausting himself trying to find others? Has he finally stopped taking me for granted? Those were the questions I had in my mind. I wanted answers. The questions burned my tongue but I held my words. Because I wanted to enjoy this moment. The moment I had always been dreaming about. I wanted it to last. I wanted this memory to be forever etched in my mind. I did not ask those questions as I was afraid the answers were what I did not want to hear.
“So. What do I have to do to get her number from you?” he had asked with a lop sided, heart melting grin. Anger, hurt and humiliation washed down over me as I forced my suddenly stone hard lips into an even smile. I looked away. The pain was too much. I could barely keep from crying there and then but I was sure if he had seen my eyes, they would have betrayed my feelings.
I ran into my room and slammed the door as hard as I could. Tears running down my cheeks I yanked off my clothes and slid into my PJs. With his questions ringing in my head I grabbed my pillow and bit in it hard to stifle my sobs.
oh oh i'm in love with james morisson's broken strings. =D
How long can I do this? How long do I have to live in fear of loneliness and misery? Waking up every morning knowing I have to take tentative steps around you. One innocent smile, an unintentional brush of skin was all it would take for my hard concealed secrets to pour out. They say love hurts. I beg to differ. Love makes one happy. Possibly the happiest one will feel in his life. As they say, love makes the world go round. Love makes people care for each other, make people better themselves inside and out. Love gives people something to live for. Love is a beautiful thing. Now, loving and being unloved back, that hurts. How long can I keep these feelings bottled up inside? How long before the silence betrays me? How long before my tongue is set loose and all of my heart comes pouring out? How long? If I don’t say it nor do I display it would you see it in my eyes? Would you hear the faint fluttering of my increased heartbeat with every accidental touch? Would you see the faint pink blush that creeps up my cheeks every time you look at me? Would you feel the sudden increase in body heat every time we’re side by side? Would you see the big heart with a cupid arrow in it in my mind? These subtle things become so obvious. I can’t hold it in much longer. I keep hoping that it fades with time as everything does. But no. it keeps going the other way. With every day that passes, with every minute that flies by, my heart beats stronger, faster, yearning and hoping for your love. Say you’ll love me too. Please. Whisper it softly into my ears. I just want to let it sink into my heart and seep through my entire body. I want to remember the feeling with every fiber of my being. The feeling of being loved.
okay. this has nothing to do with anyone i just wrote it out of boredom.stop rolling your eyes. i know it lame. its kinda dedicated to huiteng although she doesnt have to worry about being unloved. so many guys courting her EXCEPT the one she wants. now,everybody say awwww..
you have absolutely no freaking right to comment on the way i look. assho*e
yeah i know i'm a fat cow so what? i'm fat but i'm happy. i know what to eat and what to avoid.i know how to eat healthy. i eat healthy. i snack. but not alot. i'm in the food science and nutrition course for goodness sake!!
stop making comments like as though i'm this obese woman walking around in tight fitting clothes and has her babats jiggling out. HELLO. i am a woman of sense. i have enough sense to know that showing off every single curve of my body is not only against my religious beliefs it is also OBSCENE.
ass you. speaking of which, i'll bet a million bucks that my ass is way hotter than yours. maybe thats why you're so jealous.
i love my curves and i'm proud of my butt.you have problem with that? go and die. it'll make the world a better place that way.
i wear tight jeans?? my jeans hug my butt so it wont jiggle but it is NOT freaking tight.bloody hell.then what do you expect me to wear?jeans that are three times bigger than my size?? you say if someone has a small ass than at least it looks nice. here's a newsflash : songs have been made about girls with bigh butts being liked. ever hear this? i like big butts and i cannot lie. i'm sure you have.
bloody hell.you're trying to bring me down by trying to destroy my self esteem. it aint working baby.you know why? because i do not give a freaking care what you think. the people who i love love me the way i am so a mere person like you who has no meaning in my life's comments are irrelevant. thankyou.
standing in the light of your halo, yeah i got my angel now.
i love my friends FYI. =D we completely won the bmic quiz and we got starbucks vouchers from Jeremy. OH MAN. i love his money. HAHA. so we went starbucks after school. sat slacked and laughed damn alot. Firi was being irritating and kept spitting ice at me. idioooooot. thanks ah fir. you think your saliva very nice issit???? Tarini kept spitting at me when she talked.like seriously people.do i have a sign that says spit spot written on me??????
firi say ta's eyes were horny.HAHAH.
i wanted to take picture with firi but ta decided to join in and manged to squeeze in 1/16th of her face in. HAHA.
she was damn happy she got her caramel frap lah.
firi was saying the coffee very strong.explains her face.
so we went off after laughing at some random guy running to the bustop with no shirt on. seriously.RANDOM. gosh. i laughed alot today. especially when mr.green went out of the toilet with a smile on his face. kaiying said he very happy get to shit ready cus before that he was constipated. i burst laughing hysterically with hana.
met Ruwaida on the way home. ohman. i miss my friends. gosh. i miss you all aljunied people.
bmic lab stinks. i was so freaking nervous lah hello. mr L was like literally beside me watching me do my serial dilution. like wth. my hand was shaking and my cap drop an the bench.bloody hell. youre NOT supposed to put your cap on the freaking bench. bloody bloody bloody hell.stupid mcconkey agar stupid methyl red. stupid everything.
on a brighter note though, i aced my french roleplay! uhuh uhuh. but next week must bring laptop.amakk. leceh lah okay.
oh oh oh, apparently stoopidd N said i liked his friend (whateverhisnameis) and that i said he was hot. um. excuse me? i don't even know he existed until eunice pointed him out to me. seriously. i have NO, absolutely NO freaking interest in any i reapeat ANY chemical engineering guys. even shorty. (his reflection maybe. *inside joke*) now, gimme Biomedical Science guys and i'll swoon baby. AHAH. oh EXCEPT FOR AFRO. thankyouverymuch. smart guys are sexy man. especially during exam time. okay. mardy random.
okay.so FC labreport deadline extended and i still have FC project interview. BAHH.when is this gonna freaking end??????
okay so saw mr green who turns out to be mr checkers today and he had on COLOURED CONTACTS. GREY to be exact. damnn. i hate guys who wear coloured contacts.they look so effing gay. why is it that i always ALWAYS whatever mardy.
so apparently all the chem eng people (apes) ok being a bitch.sorry. all of them call me mardy.yes MARDY. um. excuse me? i don't know if you guys know this but i kind off just know you guys as leslie's friends? thankyouverymuch.so please.its mardhiyah to you.
ohh. i have no freaking idea why i am making this fuss about it. actually it doesnt really matter.
yes.okay.go ahead and call me MARfreakingDEE.
i screwed uo bnf interview.lucky we pass overall. whaetveeeerrrrr okay.no comments that couls be said without expletives here.